What's in a Name?
by k-shee
Summary: “Okay, okay. Here it is. Your name is Vaults…and you’re a cowboy.” What’s Chelsea laughing about THIS time?


"Okay, okay. Here it is. Your name is Vaults…and you're a cowboy." What's Chelsea laughing about this time?

_I am dying from the summer heat! Rain, rain, it's time to come back! Global Warming, we all hate you. Leave. Well, happy reading!_

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**What's in a Name?**

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Vaughn Aston Vaults is a man with a lot of love. If a lot of love meant diving into a bucket of nails and expecting not to get your eyes gouged out.

And yes, I know that doesn't make sense—even I didn't get it, but it sounded good, so boo you.

Vaughn Aston Vaults in two words? Spiteful vindictive.

In one? Ass.

Oh, look, I just made a joke! I mean, he's a cowboy, right? And a horse looks like an ass, so it's like another way of saying he looks like a horse!

Yeah, I know I'm lame, shut up.

It's a slow day, and the summer heat isn't helping any. I'm ready to die right about now. Then again, if I die right now, who will make fun of our _favorite_ cowboy dude?

So, I suppose, I can't die right now. No matter how much I want to.

I'm boring you, I know, I know. Gimme a break, man! I'm a farmer, not an entertainer. You don't know the agony of mud sticking between your toes. Every. Single. Day.

So cut me some slack, 'cause you're invaded my brain and entertaining a whole bunch of audience in my head wasn't even in today's checklist.

Well, speak of harvest sprites! The devil's walking my way right about now.

"What's your business here?"

"Why, Mr. Cowboy, sir! Do I have to have a reason to visit my best friend?"

"I'm surprised you even have friends." He raises an eyebrow and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, "…damn annoying."

"Only to you." I smile all happily, eyeing the throbbing vein on his forehead with glee. "And FYI, my bestie's Julia. Sorry to get your hopes up."

"_What_ an honor." He moves to get inside the Animal Shoppe, but I block his way. He steps sideways, and I mirror him. There's another one of those veins in his temple. "Look, girly, I ain't here to play no games."

"Ain't ain't a word, mister."

"Whatever. And for goddess's sake, I'm only twenty-five."

I blink at the color of his hair. "Obviously," I comment dryly. Insulting his spanking-sparkly hair is way below the belt. I love to use it.

And his irritation shows. Oh, it shows. "At least I'm legal. You're only, what, eight?"

"Eigh_teen_." I correct him. "But it's okay, Mr. Cowboy dude, memory loss is just an inevitability of age." I pat him reassuringly on the shoulder, but I hate how I have to stretch out my arm for that.

Okay, okay, watch this. He's gonna blow his top in three…two…

"**I have a name and it's Vaughn Vaults! I'm not old!"**

Poor Mr. Cowboy dude. Heh. "Methinks he's going senile." Ooh, I can hear the steam whistling out of his ears!

"Would you just _shut _up**—**"

And then it hits me. My goddess, it hits me! His name. Dear Harvest King, his name…it's…it's…oh, oh the irony~!

Before I know it, I'm on my knees, clutching my midsection, wheezing for air. He stares at me with horror, his fist raised up…

…and I'm laughing like _I'm_ the one going senile. I'm laughing so hard, I think it's bordering on hysteria. It's like…I don't know how to explain it. It's like I've been blind for a whole decade, and the first thing I see is Mr. Bean tossing salad by putting it in his sock and twirling it around like it's a lasso. It just hits me like a big cannonball to the gut!

And speaking of lassos…I wonder if Mr. Cowboy can. Lasso, I mean.

Somehow it's funny. I mean, it's like every thought connects to Vaughn. And me being me, well, you know how it is. I love annoying people. Or just this one guy with amazing purple eyes and spanking-sparkly silver hair.

I think when they sign my certificate, it's gonna go under asphyxiation, and the fine print would read 'died laughing'.

"Hey, you, what's so damn funny?"

I'm hyperventilating, and my cheeks hurt, but I force myself to sit up on the ground. Vaughn's squatting right in front of me, brow furrowing in annoyance.

"Okay, okay. Here it is. Your name is Vaults…and you're a cowboy." I manage to wheeze out, before I erupt in laughter again.

His face fell in the 'well, duh' category. "I thought you knew that."

"No, but—goddess, don't you get it?"

"What's there to get? Stop insulting me."

"Gymnastics…there's kinda like this…apparatus known as the 'horse' where they do tricks and stuff…it's otherwise known as the vaulting horse…"

I watch his face carefully, but it's a blank mask. A smile worms its way on my lips and I'm attacked by giggles again. It snowballs from there until I'm limp with laughter. Sometime later, Vaughn sighs and lifts me up by my upper arms and sets me upright, toward the direction of my ranch.

"Go home, farmgirl, before you infect Julia with your stupid as well."

Just as he's speaking, Julia slams the door from the animal shop open, brandishing a wooden spoon. "Chelsea! What do I do? The cereal is burning!"

Well, ladies and gents, I'm afraid the show's over. I'm gonna have to ask all of you to carefully exit my head. Try not to trip on those annoying harvest sprites on your way out. Trust me. You don't even want to know.

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_I figured out the 'vaulting horse' thing when I played a wii game XD Lamest source, I know, so I googled it. I was laughing for a whole hour straight. Needless to say, this is where the fic comes from. I even have a youtube account called 'thevaultinghorse'! _

**Review, dear reader  
What do you think?  
Do I deliver?  
Or do I stink?**


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